Thinking Pinoy.

Summer's Bittersweet End.

Loneliness embraced me when I found myself drowning in emptiness. This happened to me immediately when I boarded the plane bound for Manila. I had just finished spending the summer with all my children and already I missed them terribly.

But in spite of this familiar feeling, I still did not want to be accustomed to it. Because when I went through this 20 years ago, it nearly broke my heart.

This happened when the EDSA revolution of 1986 caused havoc in the country. Against my wishes, I had to come to a decision to send my children away to continue their schooling in California. The distance between us was agonizing to say the least, but the constant mass protests that littered the streets were causing significant disruptions in schools and businesses. I had to do what a responsible parent would. I needed to keep my children safe and their future secure.

During those volatile years, people were literally knocking at the doors of Malacañang Palace. The constant threat of a shooting war hovered over the nation. The Communist leader, at this point, had a stifling hold of the city. Little did he know that he was holding my family the same way. He gave me no choice about my children. I had to do the best thing for them even if it was the worst thing I could do to my wife. I was now forced to cope with a life far away from my children.

To say that the martial law years changed our lives is an understatement. It had torn a close-knit family apart. Not sharing the same roof with our kids was torture, especially to their mother, Leth. Only her faith in God that our children are safer across the miles kept her sane. Of course, our youngest daughter Nikki made a lot of difference. She was barely 5 when her siblings left. It was her affection and innocence that served as the thread that connected us to our other kids in America.

The dawning of the nation’s newfound freedom came after the heels of the EDSA revolution. But during this time, our children had already decided to permanently reside in the US. They have found a place for themselves there and I could not blame them. America opened its arms to them when their own country could not provide them safety and security.

Fortunately, my older daughter Leah changed her mind and chose to come back. She believed that Manila could offer her equal if not better opportunities. Yet, even as we began to enjoy the loving presence of our two daughters, the longing for our sons still tugged at our hearts. As the song goes, “You can be friends with your son, but you have to be a father to a daughter.” And I missed being friends with my two sons.

But you see, America is a place for the young. A bright future is there for anyone’s taking as long as one is willing to put his back on the task no matter how daunting it may seem. The difficulty of making it there needs to be seen as a challenge rather than a roadblock. This land of milk and honey was now what my sons called home.

Occasionally though, my eldest son Carlo would come to Manila to visit. While we are thankful for this, it was also these visits that made our hearts long for our other son, Jun. His absence left us a void, one too difficult to overlook. But our days must go on, even if we have to live it separately. We learned to make do with what we have by keeping in constant touch over the phone. A camera in the computer has recently given us face-to-face access but still, it fell short of touching each other. Video conferencing has allowed me to reminisce with Jun about the days when he was still very young. In fact, the grown-up face I see on my computer screen today still remains to be Jun when he was little and rambunctious and of course, when the hugs were a lot closer and tighter. That was one thing I missed most, the warmth of his touch.

But still, I am grateful for technology. It has provided me with the opportunity to be there for my son even if I am thousands of miles away. I am there during his life’s most important milestones and I am just an e-mail away for those tiny changes that take place as well. I see his noticeable weight loss or his more worrisome weight gain. He is able to point to me the wrinkle that is beginning to cut across his forehead and his thinning hair that he can no longer cover up. He is not able to hide the worry that I detect when life is not good to him. It saddens me that I cannot be there physically but this is as good as it gets. For now.

As I buckled my seatbelt and waited for the plane to bring me back to Manila, I cannot believe that it’s been 20 years since our entire family was together like this. Even for just a brief period this summer, all 16 of us were together. Complete in one place, no computer or telephone between us, under one roof.

OUR SUMMER CALENDAR.
We were together for Jun’s son coming to the altar for his first communion and for Carlo’s eldest son walking up the stage to give his Salutatorian speech to the graduating batch. These are life events we wouldn’t miss for anything, something Leth and I could not wait to witness ever since we got married! I personally could not have imagined what the seed of our marriage created – another tree of life that continues to bear fruit and carry our family name.

The unfettered pleasure of being with my family was never-ending. Yet life is just borrowed time, our vacation days ended much too soon. It is true what they say, time flies when you are having fun. Especially since I assumed that I was going to be very bored quickly during this vacation. You see, I am a busy man. I am used to countless activities and tasks to accomplish and the idea of a vacation can overwhelm me. But this time, I was wrong. I was enjoying the company of all my children. The presence of all my grandsons and my only granddaughter, Marty, filled my days. I was not finished yet. We still had more unbridled laughter to do, more jokes to share, and more unguarded moments of spontaneity to create. We were lost in each other trying to make up for our lost time together.

Nathan’s first communion made us all very excited. You’d think it was our entire clan’s first as well! Nathan is actually the first mover in the family. Leth and I couldn’t hide our pleasure when we received an invitation to the launch of his book of poems at the Barnes and Noble store. I saw myself in my grandson’s interest and urge to write. Nathan is just 7 years old. I see the legacy of my Tatay, who was the first to graduate as valedictorian, now continuing with him.

My son Carlo was first to repeat that honor followed by Nicole, my sister Remy’s granddaughter. Nicco, my eldest grandson, is finishing high school as the batch salutatorian and receiving a full scholarship to the University of Texas. He is leaning towards majoring in bio-nuclear medicine. The choice to go to the University of Texas sounds good. MD Anderson Medical Center and Baylor Medical School, two of the best medical centers in the world, are located right in Texas and they will certainly make him a priority when he starts his major.

GPS (Going Past the Sites!)
Have I told you that a funny story happened on the way to Nicco’s graduation? My sister Irene, who is a doctor, drove all the way from Louisiana to be with us during this important event. She did not have difficulty looking for us. It was like she knew where we were exactly! And she did apparently! The GPS (global positioning satellite) technology now installed in most cars in the US guided her efficiently. This little machine even talks to the driver to make sure every turn is taken when you are supposed to.

The day of the graduation, Leth and I decided to ride with her. We were confident that finding the auditorium where the graduation was going to take place would be easy. With the global positioning satellite in her car, we had no doubts. Or so we thought because as soon as we started leaving the hotel, the GPS stopped talking. I did notice its signals but I didn’t give it any second thought because I was waiting for it to say something. Para tuloy kaming hilong talilong. Because by the time we actually realized what was happening, we were already 30 minutes away from our destination. Leth was frantic; she wanted to make sure that she got there on time. And to comfort her, my sister took many senseless turns, many of which were illegal, just so we can make it! Yes, we made it to the graduation! The ceremony wasn’t over when we arrived. We missed the best part though, my grandson’s speech!

I was feeling sad and depressed for having missed it but felt better when I heard that Ondine (my daughter-in-law), Leah, and Nikki also got lost because of the GPS. They went all the way to the University of Texas before realizing that they missed the place. They came almost an hour late to our lunch celebration. To make me feel even better, I heard that Carlo also got lost getting to the ceremonies! Good thing though that they caught their mistake early enough to still make it in time for their son’s speech.

Besides those important occasions, shopping was of course also part of our vacation itinerary. Greg, Carlo’s youngest son, was asking for some spending money. Leth saw that he already had more than enough cash in his own wallet but was asking for more. In my wife’s desire to teach him a lesson, she asked him to count his money in front of everyone. “Wow, that’s a lot,” she finally said, sixteen one-dollar bills and one twenty, that’s fifty-six!!”

We were in hysterics. No one could contain their laughter as we all made fun of Leth and her arithmetic! Here she was trying to show off to her grandson, speaking loud for everyone to hear, and screwing up her addition!

FIRST LANDING.
It has been more than 30 years since my own parents set foot in the US continent with a dream of a grandiose future. They both believed that success could only be found in America, especially if you are willing to sweat a brow or two. It was my sister Cena who first established the foothold that would become the chain that will bring all our family to this land of paradox - where Christianity blossomed with other faiths yet prayer in any form was not allowed in the classroom, where love for country is strong yet the constitution supports flag-burning as a sign of protest, where people were willing to die to free the slaves or the country yet there is utter violation of human rights when it comes to people with a different skin color or race. It is indeed puzzling, but America is also able to promise that there will be food on your table, clothes on your back, and education for your children. This was the America that Tatay and Nanay wanted to bring their children to — where financial progress and intellectual might was how success was truly measured.

It was a rare moment that all our extended families could spend time together again just like this. We all decided to meet up at “The Reef”, a nice restaurant in Long Beach to eat brunch together as how my American siblings like to refer to an early lunch. The entire clan was there, the Ibañez barangay were all in attendance. The reminiscing was endless. There were also a lot of faces to remember, hands to shake, and children to hug. I was meeting some of them for the very first time and if you know me, I need to have a few more brunches like these to actually remember all their names!
I remember a nephew commenting that had all our other families in the East Coast, Midwest, Desert states, Hawaii, and the Bread Basket of America arrived as well, we would number to a hundred, but our nucleus remains to be in California. To paraphrase Alexander the Great, “We came, we saw, we conquered.” How I wish this moment lasted forever.


A FAMILY IN JESUS
I want to liken the family that Tatay and Nanay spawned to a story in the Bible about the true family of Jesus (Mt 12:46-50). I found it in my book called, “365 Days with the Lord”. Look at how two lovers were making plans for the evening together.

He asks: “Where do you want to go tonight, darling?”

She answers: “I don’t really care. As long as we’re together, any place is as good as another. Let’s go and watch a basketball game.” She knew he loved basketball.

“But,” he objects, “You don’t like basketball. You said last week you found it boring. Let’s go and watch that new movie you said you wanted to see the other day.”

She knows he hates movies. He always falls asleep once it begins! She didn’t want him sacrificing an entire evening just so she can enjoy the movie by herself. So she, too, objects: “But you hate movies!”

“Oh it’s alright, darling. Anyway,” he adds with a smile, “I’ll be able to catch up on my sleep.”

“No,” she says, “It won’t be fun if the two of us don’t enjoy ourselves together. How about going to a rock concert?”

He wasn’t too keen on that either but he wanted to please her at all cost. “Would you like it?” he asks. “Would you like it?” she asks back. And the conversation goes on for quite a while.

This is typical of people in love: it tries to unite his or her will with the will of the loved one.

Jesus knew this perfectly well. That is why he says elsewhere: “Not everyone who says to me ‘Lord, Lord’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.” (Mt 7:21).

It is clear that for Jesus, the union of wills expresses love. And in the case of our relationship with Him and the Father, this union of will is expressed in obedience. This does not deny the value of natural family ties; but it does affirm the primacy of spiritual ties in the new community founded by Jesus.

As a consequence of all this, our task as Jesus’ brothers and sisters is to streamline our lives with utmost simplicity along the will of our common Father. As my sister Paz always likes to say, “Praise the Lord.”

This particular summer may have ended, but in the horizon is the beginning of a new summer.